entry 26!

There are times in life when we drift away from our plans, our schedules, and our own beliefs. It happens so easily—maybe because we get bored or lose sight of ourselves, or maybe we follow someone else’s path for a while. Every time I step off my own track and take the advice or direction of someone else, I seem to make mistakes. These mistakes don’t just pass by; they linger, hanging over me like a heavy burden that I carry for far too long. The weight of these decisions feels unbearable at times, and I suffer deeply.

I often find myself wondering, “Why do I let this happen?” Is it because I doubt myself? Or perhaps because, like many of us, I sometimes feel a little lost in my own world, unsure if my path is truly the right one. There’s this cycle I’ve noticed—I stray from my path, make mistakes, suffer the consequences, and then, somehow, I find my way back to myself. It’s not an easy cycle, and it often feels like I’m getting lost in some sort of black hole, where I can’t even see my own reflection.

During these moments of confusion, I lose more than just a sense of direction—I lose sight of who I am. It feels as though I’m falling into an abyss, unsure of my identity, my purpose, and even my worth. The world around me becomes a blur, and I start to wonder, “How did I get here?” It’s as if I’m floating in a vast space where nothing feels familiar or safe. But no matter how lost I get, there’s always something—a spark of hope, a leap of faith—that pulls me back to solid ground.

I think we all have these moments, where we lose track of who we are and what we’re supposed to be doing. For me, these moments of doubt and confusion often stem from dreaming too much or creating my own world of expectations. I’ve always had a vision of upgrading myself, of becoming better, day by day. I tell myself, “Just 1% better each day.” For over last seven years, I’ve lived with this mentality, constantly striving to improve, to reach that next level of self-awareness, of success, of fulfillment. Yet, even with all that effort, I still stumble. I still make mistakes.

Perhaps this is because there is no perfect definition of success, no ultimate version of ourselves that we are meant to become. Perfection is an illusion, something we chase but never fully reach. And that’s okay. I’ve learned that mistakes don’t define us, but they do shape us. Each mistake I’ve made has taught me something new, something valuable. They are the building blocks of my growth.

Just recently, I found myself in that all-too-familiar place of doubt. I listened to someone else’s advice, followed their path, and ignored my own instincts. I lost faith in myself, and now I’m suffering in a way that I haven’t experienced before. This time, it feels different—like I’ve lost something deeper, like my patience has run dry. I was talking to my Japanese aunt about it, a woman full of wisdom and life experience. She’s nearly 70 years old named NOMURA YOSHIKO(野村　佳子), and her words struck me with such simplicity and clarity. She explained everything in a way that made me see how much more I have to learn about patience, about life, and about myself.

This conversation reminded me of something important—sometimes, we desperately want something without fully understanding why. We chase after it, believing it will complete us or fill a void, only to realize that we weren’t ready for it. When I finally get what I’ve been chasing, I often find myself playing with it, testing it, before I use it for it’s true purpose. And this time, I lost something during testing that I truly wanted, something I couldn’t afford to replace. It sent me into a spiral of deep reflection, questioning everything—my path, my choices, my identity. But here’s where hope comes in. Even in the midst of that loss, I’m slowly finding my way back to the path that was always meant for me. It’s not easy, and I’m not entirely there yet, but I can feel myself coming back to life, rediscovering my purpose. I’m realizing that losing our way doesn’t mean the end of the journey. Sometimes, it’s part of the process. We get lost so that we can find ourselves again, with new eyes and a new perspective.

This experience has taught me that life is not about getting everything right the first time. It’s about making mistakes, learning from them, and continuing to move forward. It’s about having the courage to pick ourselves up after we’ve fallen, to trust in the process, and to believe that no matter how lost we feel, we will always find our way back.

So, if you’re like me, and you find yourself drifting away from your path, don’t despair. Mistakes don’t mean you’ve failed—they mean you’re growing. Each wrong turn teaches us something we couldn’t have learned otherwise. And while it may feel like you’ve lost your way, remember that you always have the ability to find your way back. You are stronger, wiser, and more resilient than you know.

What’s about your story? Have you ever found yourself following someone else’s path, only to realize it wasn’t right for you? How did you rediscover your own way? I’d love to hear how you’ve navigated the challenges of life, and what lessons you’ve learned along the way. Because in the end, we’re all on this journey together, and sharing our stories helps us find the hope and strength to keep going and going. Like the song of Oasis’s “Wonderwall”, give it a try and talk to you from other side of the world till then… Peace✌🏻