entry 31!
Today, I managed to find an answer to my ever-expanding quest. It feels like I’ve been trying to scratch an itch deep within my soul for as long as I can remember. Honestly, I wasn't even sure what I was looking for—until now. What I wanted was a philosophy that works for every situation. A simple, universal answer to life. Something that can hold me when everything else is slipping away.
After all this time, I finally see it, though the answer isn't what I expected. Maybe it’s peace of mind that I want, a sense of calm that could silence the chaos in my head, a life without complications—something that could ease all my worries. I think about it when I lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, listening to my own heart beat, wondering if it’s possible to ever feel truly content. I want to believe that there’s a way, but the path never feels clear, and maybe that’s because it isn’t meant to be. How could there be a simple path? I’ve got my insecurities, my jealousy, my superstitions, my moments of wanting validation from others. I’ve got my restless nights, the days where I feel like I’m not enough, the days when I overthink everything and spiral. And that’s okay. I don’t need to rise above it all to find the answer. Maybe it’s not about erasing those parts of me, but about accepting them.
Sometimes I think I know what I want, and then it slips through my fingers, and I end up wanting something else. What I think I want and what I end up getting, what I get and what I end up searching for—they all blur together, and I wonder if I’m chasing shadows. I wonder if I’m really as deep as I think I am, or if it’s just the words that make it sound profound. Sometimes I feel like I’m wide open, laid bare for everyone to see, vulnerable and raw. And sometimes I feel like there’s nothing deeper to me at all, just layers and layers of confusion.
But today, in one of those moments of clarity, I realized something important—maybe I’m just meant to flow, like a river. When I can let go of all the overthinking, the analyzing, the questioning, and just exist, that's when I find peace. Maybe that’s the metaphor that ties together all of my philosophical quests—the idea of a river's flow. To move with life, to embrace each moment, whether it's joyful or painful, whether it’s filled with laughter or tears. To move like a river, knowing that the path doesn’t have to be clear to be right. I think of all the happy moments, the sad moments, the mundane seconds in between, and maybe the answer has been there all along.
Maybe I don’t need a perfect philosophy that works for every situation. Maybe I just need to be here, fully, in every messy, beautiful, confusing moment. To embrace the twists, the turns, the bends, and let life carry me. Even when I don't know which path to take, maybe I just need to trust that moving forward is enough—that somehow, I'll find my way.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe the only philosophy I need is this: just to flow, with all my heart, through whatever comes. Peace ✌🏻