entry 25!

In the grand theater of life, we often find ourselves cast in different roles depending on who the audience is. To one person, you may be the embodiment of bravery, while to another, you might seem timid. You might be seen as a pillar of strength in someone's eyes and a delicate flower in someone else's. One person could view you as a beacon of goodness, while another might see you as deeply flawed. These contradictions aren't a reflection of your true self but rather the varied lenses through which people view you.

Imagine walking into a room full of mirrors, each one slightly distorted. Some mirrors make you appear tall and strong; others might exaggerate your imperfections. This is much like the way people perceive us—through their subjective lenses, shaped by their experiences, biases, and emotions.

You might be the source of comfort for one person, offering them solace in a stormy sea. Yet, to another, your presence might be unsettling, stirring up their inner turmoil. You could be seen as an irritant to someone who struggles with your energy, while to another, you might be the light that brightens their day. These varied perceptions can be confusing and even frustrating if we let them define us.

But here's the liberating truth - “The world is never going to agree on a single definition of WHO YOU ARE.” And that's okay. Every person's perception of you is colored by their own story, their own insecurities, hopes, and dreams. You cannot control how others see you, but you can control how you see yourself.

So, instead of bending and twisting to fit the ever-changing views of others, why not live in a way that feels true to you? Embrace your complexity and the fact that you are a multi-faceted being. You are brave and scared, strong and fragile, good and flawed—all at once. You are too much for some and just enough for others.

The world will continue to look at you from its subjective point of view, but your task is to stay grounded in your own truth. Define yourself by your own standards and values, not by the fleeting opinions of others. When you live authentically, you'll attract those who resonate with your true self, and their perceptions will reflect the beauty of who you really are.

In the end, remember that you are a mosaic of experiences, emotions, and traits. No one person’s perception can capture the entirety of who you are. So, step out of the distorted mirror maze and stand tall in your own light. The world will see what it wants, but only you can define who you truly are. right?? so just Peace✌🏻

entry 24!

After enduring two relentless night shifts and carrying a mountain of stress for what felt like an eternity, I desperately needed a break. My last real escape was a trip to Sikkim, West Bengal, India, back in 2018, just before the world came to a standstill due to the pandemic. Since then, life swept me away to Japan, where I spent two whole years without a single holiday or even a long drive. But finally, it was time for a change—my long-overdue summer vacation.

It’s funny how life seems to throw everything at you just when you’re about to take a break. This time was no different. Everything was a mess, as it always is when I try to slip into holiday mode. My “superpower” of unintentionally complicating things kicked in, and before I knew it, I was drowning in a sea of anxiety and sleepless nights. Atami was the plan, though I wasn’t sure if it would actually happen or who would join me. We started with five people, but life happened, and four of us made it to the destination. But it turns out, four was all we needed.

The moment I arrived in Atami, the sea worked its magic. It felt like the ocean absorbed all my stress, like a magician pulling off the ultimate trick. Standing in the water, I felt a deep connection—like the sea could carry my tears away and take care of the universe in my stead. I surrendered my worries to the waves and let the sun bathe me in warmth. I whispered my troubles to the breeze, and it responded with joyful whispers of its own.

Atami, a coastal gem in Shizuoka Prefecture, is where nature’s beauty unfolds in a unique way. The town is nestled between the soaring mountains and the vast expanse of the Pacific Ocean. This perfect confluence of mountain and sea creates a landscape that feels almost otherworldly. On one side, you have the rugged mountains, their green slopes cascading down to meet the sparkling blue waters. On the other, the sea stretches out endlessly, its waves gently kissing the shore. This meeting point of the mountains and the sea gives Atami its distinct charm—a place where you can experience the serenity of the ocean and the grandeur of the mountains all at once.

The sky was a canvas of mystery, and time seemed to fly by as my friends and I soaked in every moment. Before I knew it, it was evening, and we found ourselves at the top of Atami Castle. The rain began to pour just as we reached the summit, offering a breathtaking view of the city below. Words can’t do justice to the beauty of that moment. The night ended with a game of Uno and deep talks on the beach, under the soft, mystical glow of the moon. Its blue aura illuminated the night, adding a magical touch.

The next day, we set off for Hatsushima Island, a place so beautiful and full of adventure that I could easily see myself retiring there one day. The island left an impression that will stay with me for a long time, a perfect finale to our unplanned yet joy-filled getaway.

This summer vacation was everything I needed and more. It was unplanned, full of surprises, and ultimately a reminder that life doesn’t always have to be robotic. This trip washed away my stress and the bad moments that had been weighing me down, giving me a fresh start. As I embrace this new, adventurous version of myself, I’m already planning to visit more places. The robotic life I’ve been leading served its purpose, but now I’m ready to explore again. I have a feeling some good news is on the horizon, and when it arrives, I’ll have no regrets about the life I’ve lived so far. For now, I’m just focusing on living in the moment, hoping for the best, and embracing every adventure that comes my way.

And of course, a heartfelt thank you to my more-than-just-classmates Sujan, Preeti, and Andrei for making this trip unforgettable. Peace✌🏻

entry 23!

Recently, I lost something again—my daily essential object, my AirPods. As usual, it felt bad at first. I searched everywhere but never found them. This was my second pair, engraved with “HEART BEAT,” and I loved them so much. Naturally, I got sad and started berating myself for being so careless. I kept telling myself not to be so reckless again. Losing my first pair on December 31st last year felt like losing a part of me. When I bought this second pair, I promised myself I wouldn’t be careless again. But here I am, having lost them once more.

Life is full of wonders, as every biographer says, and I used to believe that. I have a few important people in my life, and one of them was with me after I lost my AirPods. This person tried to support me, and then I realized that life’s wonders aren’t always physical things—they can be found in words too. This person said something that took all my pain to zero.

Today, I bought a new pair of AirPods. So, what’s the moral of the story? Whatever happens and whatever the situation is, try to find the positive side and move on. The sun will rise again tomorrow. And also, take care of the important people who are with you on your sad days.

So, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation—whether it’s losing something valuable or facing a setback—remember that it’s not the end of the world. Sometimes, it takes a kind word from a person to remind us that life’s true wonders lie in our connections and the support we give and receive. Embrace the lesson, stay positive, and move forward. After all, the sun will always rise again tomorrow. Peace✌🏻

entry 22!

At last, summer vacation has started, and it feels so good to have some time off after long workdays. Here in Tokyo, the heat is intense, much like Kolkata, and it seems to be getting worse by the day. So far, I have no plans for a trip, but I’m thinking about when I should go. Even though college is out, job hunting in Tokyo is really daunting. There are many companies to choose from, but finding the one that suits me best is the challenge. There’s one company that has caught my interest, and I’m currently in the interview phase. I hope it goes well.

In other news, after a long time spent coding and creating small and big projects, I finally feel ready to take on a real project that could help the community. I’ve never felt so prepared as I do now. With some free time, I can dedicate long hours to this endeavor without distractions. The project I’m reviewing requires proficiency in three main programming languages, so I’m revisiting those languages and making some progress.

As I continue to work on this project, I’ll update. For now, I’m diving into the review process and looking forward to what’s ahead. Until then, enjoy the summer! Oh, and before I sign off, here’s a song to match the summer heat and get you into the vacation spirit—"Heat Waves" by Glass Animals:

"Sometimes, all I think about is you Late nights in the middle of June Heat waves been fakin' me out Can't make you happier now"

Enjoy the vibes and the break! Peace✌🏻

entry 21!

From my childhood, I was brought up listening to Arabic tales. Many writers in Kolkata used these tales in their stories, and as an avid reader, they always struck a chord with me. In India, numerous movies and storybooks have adapted these tales. This led to Arabic music and imagery unconsciously attracting me. I always dreamt of an Arabian night: a full moon shining over the vast desert, with camels and the wind whispering across the dunes, casting shadows on the land. Oh my god, how fascinating and romantic that image is! I always wanted to experience it but never got the chance—maybe I will someday.

So why am I saying this? No, I am not in Arabia. Yesterday, I visited a planetarium in Ikebukuro, where you can experience an optical starry night in the ever-bright city of Tokyo. It was a heart-touching experience for me. After leaving Nagoya, I lost touch with the stars. In my childhood in India, during power outages, I first saw and felt the stars, and questions arose within me. In Nagoya, whenever I stepped out at night, the stars spoke to me. Just as my ancestors found peace in them, so did I. It was so spiritual and profound that words fail to capture it. But now, I reconnected with the stars, and it felt deeply personal and human. That atmosphere felt like a hollow, a beautiful void.

Seeing that sky, I realized what I had been missing. Even though it was a video, it felt overwhelmingly real. And not just any night sky—it was an Arabian night! Oh wow, how can I express this? The vision and sound were so powerful that I can't forget it. I relived my childhood dream, triggered by memories of those power outage nights with my old neighborhood friends. I felt such immense happiness that I want to store the memory forever. My heartfelt thanks to my friend Hao, who took me there to experience it. Thank you so much. It was like a window allowing me to leave the fake world and enter the real one.

This experience was not just a revisit to the planetarium but a journey back to my childhood. I remembered sitting on the rooftop with my friends, the electricity gone, and the sky full of stars. We would lie down, point out constellations, and make up our own stories inspired by the tales we had read. Those were the moments when the stars felt like friends, distant yet comforting.

In Ikebukuro, the stars may have been artificial, but the feelings they evoked were genuine. It was a reminder of how connected we are to the universe, and how even in the hustle and bustle of city life, we can find moments of tranquility and connection.

The Arabian night I witnessed was more than just a visual treat. It was a soulful experience, transporting me to a place of dreams and wonder. The music, the imagery, the atmosphere—all of it combined to create a magical moment that I will cherish forever.

So, here's to childhood dreams, to the magic of stories, and to the stars that continue to inspire us, no matter where we are. And a special thanks to my friend Hao, for giving me this beautiful gift. It truly was a window to leave the fake world and step into the real one. Peace ✌🏻

entry 20!

After writing and backspacing countless times, maybe this time I can finally complete this blog. Yes, I admit that I was lost in my thoughts, and that was a phase. Every human goes through a period of introspection, realizing they've been stuck in a metaphorical hole that time has pushed them into. I felt that way too, especially now that I'm on my own. It was easy to deceive myself into drifting away from my true purpose. My mind was preoccupied with one thing, but my actions were all geared towards imaginary self-satisfaction. I was trying to control the uncontrollable, and unsurprisingly, I didn't succeed.

Despite possessing wisdom, I was behaving foolishly. Reflecting on it now, I laugh at the disparity between my desires and my actions. It's easy to fall into a time hole where everything becomes unbalanced; I did countless times. But this time, I chose to go with the flow, breaking my own rules and following the rhythm of time. Through this, I learned invaluable lessons that will stay with me. I read somewhere that it's crucial to get lost and then find yourself again because if you always follow a straight line, you can't appreciate progress, or you become bored and stagnant. Our intuition becomes complacent. However, navigating through life's curves introduces new experiences and perspectives, helping us reconnect with the mainstream with greater speed and agility.

Recently, I found myself searching for the meaning of life, even though I knew it inherently holds no single meaning. I sought satisfaction not in what I truly wanted, but in what I thought I needed. Maybe it’s big city life that I wanted to blend in with that I was infatuated with. It's like how a person without food understands hunger deeply, while someone with plenty of food thinks about everything else but hunger. I was in the latter situation, searching for fulfillment in the wrong places.

This week, I partied with my college friends and reached a version of myself I hadn't known before. It was so natural and uncontrolled that it felt like a revelation. Surrounded by the warmth and camaraderie of my incredible friends, I was so drunk on my own thoughts and emotions that I couldn't see clearly. In that uninhibited state, I purged the infatuated and overthinking version of myself, shedding layers of pretension and self-doubt. I realized how often I let my mind get tangled in unnecessary worries and imagined scenarios, preventing me from experiencing genuine happiness. The spontaneity and rawness of that night allowed me to strip away those false layers of satisfaction. With my friends' unwavering support and joyous spirits, I vomited out the infatuated person and the overthinking self, confronting my true desires and joys. I understood that real happiness comes from authenticity and being present in the moment. This revelation was liberating and empowering, showing me how to maintain control over my happiness by being true to myself and embracing the unpredictable nature of life. This moment of clarity connected me to my true self, unburdened by the need for approval or fear of failure, reminding me that losing control can sometimes lead to the most meaningful insights and personal growth. I am profoundly grateful to my friends for being the guiding lights on this transformative journey. Thank you from the core of my heart.

Oh, I’m struggle to articulate these feelings. But perhaps that's the essence of it all: Understanding that life's journey, with all its missteps and revelations, is what shapes us. Embrace the detours, for they are just as important as the destination. Just go with flow and rock it. Peace ✌🏻

entry 19!

Lately, I’ve found myself waking up feeling confined, as if I’m living in a small box. Every day, the walls close in, limiting my thoughts and feelings. But occasionally, a profound sentence or a meaningful word breaks through, offering a glimpse of a larger perspective. In those moments, the box expands, and everything starts to make sense. It’s a fleeting clarity, but it’s enough to make me realize how constricted my usual state is—and how much I fear it. When I’m able to see the bigger picture, everything feels better. It’s as if the weight of existence lifts, and life takes on a different hue. This quest for understanding, this search for the meaning of life, is something humans have grappled with since Buddha first posed the question. His answers became the foundation of a religion, offering a sense of purpose and direction. Yet, my journey has taken a different path.

I’ve followed various philosophies and self-help teachings, from ancient Egyptian beliefs to modern-day self-improvement books. Each one promises answers, but none have fully satisfied me. They offer fragments of truth, but there’s always something missing. This constant search, this endless testing of beliefs, has left me feeling unfulfilled. Now, only blank pages seem to attract me—an empty space where I can flow with time, unbound by predefined meanings. Despite my efforts, nothing has hit the mark. I look around and see the world enjoying its existence, a phenomenon I wish to partake in but can’t. This existential frustration has been growing, especially here in Tokyo, where my solitude magnifies it. The city's energy contrasts sharply with my internal turmoil, making my sense of isolation even more profound.

Last night, during a moment of introspection, a profound thought occurred to me. I questioned my existence, zooming out from my immediate surroundings. I am a body sitting on a bed, in a rented room, in Tokyo, Japan, on Earth. Further zooming out, I envisioned myself floating on a space rock that has been drifting through the vastness of space for eons and will continue to do so. This realization was both humbling and liberating. It hit me that life, in the grand scheme of things, means nothing. We are just specks on a space rock, drifting aimlessly through the cosmos.

This might sound bleak, but it was a moment of clarity for me. If life truly has no inherent meaning, then the pressure to find one dissipates. We are free to create our own meaning, to live authentically without the burden of a predetermined purpose. In this vast, indifferent universe, we can find freedom in the absurdity of it all.

So, here I am, floating on this space rock, letting go of the need to find a grand meaning. Instead, I’m embracing the journey, the process of being, and the fleeting moments of clarity that break through the mundane. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough. So, Peace Man!!✌🏻

Entry 18!

As I sit here in the middle of this serene park, contemplating the passing of time, I'm struck by the profound realization that a quarter of the year has already slipped through our fingers. It's a moment of solitude, a moment of introspection, where the day is slowly fading into dusk, marking yet another step in the relentless march of time.

Time, oh what a thought-provoking concept it is! It's both fascinating and frightening in its unstoppable momentum. We can't halt its flow or turn it back; we can only ride along its currents, witnessing our days turn into years and our moments morph into memories. I find myself marveling at the dichotomy of time—how it can evoke both fear and joy, how it can feel like a cage constraining us yet also like the ultimate freedom. It's a paradoxical dance of existence, much like my own being—an inevitable truth, here yet not fully grasped.

Two years have passed since I broke free from the cages of false beliefs and superstitions that once ensnared me. It's been a journey toward the freedom I didn't even know I craved, a liberation that now allows me to live like the king of my own destiny. Looking back, I see a younger version of myself, fearless and determined, navigating through challenges that seemed insurmountable at the time. If I could speak to that younger self, I would offer reassurance—“Don't worry, you'll find your way. You're building yourself in the right direction.”

Now, let's talk about time—not in the conventional, orthodox sense, but through my own lens and a touch of science. Time, I believe, is an illusion we humans have crafted. It's a construct born of our need to quantify and organize the passing moments. In reality, time has always existed in the vastness of the universe. There are no years, months, or days in the cosmic dance; there's only the constant rhythm of existence. We, as inhabitants of Earth, are part of this grand symphony, growing and evolving until we reach our own culmination, much like stars that explode after reaching their ultimate growth.

The sun rises and sets, casting shadows and light, just as our lives ebb and flow between moments of brightness and darkness. We've created divisions like days and nights, but these are merely human inventions, not the true essence of time. Our ancestors made mistakes too, altering the natural order to fit their needs. We've inherited those missteps, experiencing shorter days and longer nights, but perhaps there's a lesson in that—a reminder to align ourselves with nature rather than against it.

You might disagree with my perspective on time, and that's perfectly fine. The beauty of existence lies in our diversity of thoughts and interpretations. As I wrap up this contemplation on time and existence, I can't help but think of the powerful words of the song “Imagine” by John Lennon:

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us,                      and the world will live as one.”

So, let's raise a toast to the world, embrace its mysteries, and keep on rocking in this cosmic journey of time and existence. Cheers! and spread Peace✌🏻

entry 17!

They said, “戦争はもう欲しくない、平和でいいよ”. “We don't want war anymore, just peace.” These words came from someone who lived through World War II. I recently had the chance to chat with this incredible person, someone who witnessed the bombings in Japan. They shared memories from that time, and it was such an amazing conversation. I regret not recording it.

This gentleman, 92 years old and still working in his own shop making suits in Tokyo, is one of the three people above 90 in this ward(area) of Tokyo. Our conversation started with the usual topics—my studies, future plans, and thoughts about Japan. I expressed my appreciation for all cultures and their evolution over time. They seemed to like my perspective and began sharing their experiences.

I asked what motivates them to work every day at this age, and they said, 'Without work, I might as well be dead. This work has shaped who I am today, so why should I stop? Even though it's hard, I'll give my all to it.' I was deeply impressed by their dedication.

Talking to someone who's lived through so much and has such depth of experience is always exciting. Though I wish we could have talked more, it was during business hours. Still, they spent over 30 minutes with me, and I felt like I gained something precious.

Every sentence they spoke ended with a desire for peace, not war. While I agree with this sentiment, I also acknowledge that conflict, in some forms, can drive progress. Personally, every day feels like a battle, but hearing their perspective made me reflect.

I've never experienced war between countries, only personal struggles. I asked them about the difference, and they described the real, lasting fear of war even decades later.

Finally, I asked for advice on dealing with problems, and they simply said, “Smile from the heart and keep moving forward.” I'll take that to heart. And there is only wish left to say him - ”おじさん、長生きてください” that means “Have a long life…”. Peace✌🏻

entry 16!

From time to time, we find ourselves in need of healing, propelled forward by the currents of change. It’s been a decade since I began taking myself seriously, a shift prompted by life’s unexpected turns. I recall a moment of reckoning, marked by a low score on an exam that forced me to confront my own shortcomings. That experience ignited a newfound dedication to self-study and personal growth.

My childhood was far from ordinary, filled with hardships that shaped my worldview. Poverty was not just a concept; it was a reality I lived and sought to transcend. I embarked on a quest to understand the other side of life, driven by a deep-seated curiosity and a desire for a better future. Despite the challenges, I have always believed in the cyclical nature of history and the potential for transformation.

As an Indian, spirituality became my guiding light. Amidst a plethora of deities, I searched for an idol that mirrored my journey, only to realize that true enlightenment stems from within. I embraced the dual roles of student and teacher, for I couldn't find a mentor with that elusive X-factor. Instead, I delved into ancient texts from Sumerian wisdom to contemporary insights, thirsty for knowledge that would reshape my understanding.

Drawing from ancient scriptures and diverse philosophies, I forged my path—a fusion of ideologies that reflects my unique identity. Life, I've come to understand, is like a graphite pencil; it requires occasional sharpening to tell a clear and compelling story. Peace✌🏻